


i finally put it all together that nothing really lasts forever

by notthebigspoon



Series: Amaryllis [29]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 06:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Giants' Cabrera tests positive for PEDs, suspended 50 games.</p><p>Title taken from Call Me by Shinedown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i finally put it all together that nothing really lasts forever

“You _lied_ to me.”

“Ryan, I'm so sorry.”

“Just go home Cabrera. Some of us deserve to be here.”

***

After the game, Ryan does not go home. He refuses to speak to anyone and especially avoids the outfielders because he doesn't think that he can take one more sympathetic look. He may or may not run over a bird in the parking lot in his hurry to get the hell out. He definitely blasts through a red light and loses himself in the rush of evening traffic.

He's not quite sure where he is and he doesn't care. He drives aimlessly, takes random turns and changes lanes if he feels a person isn't getting the hell out of his way fast enough. More than one cop flashes their headlights but none of them ever actually stop him. Probably a good thing. Last thing he needs to do is cause more press for being angry and belligerent to law enforcement.

He bets it would feel nice though.

When finally he can't keep going, he pulls into the parking lot of a bar. It's a shabby dive, perfect for getting lost in. He goes inside and it's early enough in the evening that it's almost completely empty. He plants himself at the end of the bar, away from the TV that's broadcasting the evening news and talking about Melky's suspension. 

When the bartender brings his whiskey, two glasses, Ryan pulls out his credit card but the balding man shakes his head. “On the house Vogey. Looks like you need it.”

Ryan tips the first glass at him and drains it in one go. The bartender gives his arm a sympathetic pat and plods off to the other end of the bar.

The bar slowly fills as the hours go on. He drank his first two whiskeys rapidly but he's been nursing the third for a while. He thinks maybe some people recognize him but nobody approaches or does anything worse than point and mutter under their breath. 

He's not sure what time it is when he's on his fifth whiskey but halfway in, he decides that he's drunk and it's probably time for him to leave. He takes his phone out and texts Romo the name of the bar and a request to please come drive him home. After that he just rests his chin on his arms and waits. He's not sure how much time passes between putting his phone away and feeling a warm hand between his shoulders. 

“C'mon big guy... let's get you out of here.”

Ryan doesn't say anything, just pays without knowing how much money he hands over and leans against Romo as they make their way outside. He hands his keys over, allows Romo to help him into the passenger seat because he's not sure if he can make it himself. Romo's quiet for a while, just gets them on the road. Ryan rests his forehead against the cold glass of the passenger window and watches the scenery before letting his eyes close.

“You okay?”

Ryan glances at him out of the corner of his eye and Romo holds up a hand, “Right, okay, stupid question. We're all upset, Vogey. He lied to all of us.”

“He lied to me the most. To my face about the drugs and by omission about Melianny. What are we when he always lies to me? We're nothing.”

“Maybe he was afraid of disappointing you.”

“Bang up job there. And... did you see Pagan? He was heartbroken.”

“Do...” Romo hesitates, not looking away from the road until they're at a red light. He turns to Ryan, gripping his shoulder. “Do you still love him?”

“I don't think it would hurt this much if I didn't. Sergio, he _lied_ to me.”

“I know.”

They don't talk after that. Ryan starts recognizing where he is, the landmarks that signal they're getting closer to home. Romo calls for a cab to be sent to Ryan and Melky's place. When they pull into the driveway, the cab is already waiting by the curb. Romo makes some weird hand signal at the cabbie, who nods, before turning to Ryan. Ryan doesn't look at him, just keeps a hand planted on the truck as he makes his way around it.

“If I give you your keys, you're not going to go anywhere are you? Do I need to take them with me?”

Ryan gives him a look. “Got you to drive me home, didn't I? If I leave, I'll take a cab.”

“Talk to him, Vogey.”

“G'night Romo.”

Romo looks like he wants to say something else but he sighs and shakes his head, saying a quiet goodnight and hugging Ryan before climbing into the cab. He watches the cab disappear down the street before carefully making his way up the steps and letting himself into the house. He drops his keys in their usual spot in the bowl, puts his gear in the hall closet. Flicks his fingers through the mail in the basket. Flinches when he sees their names mixed together.

There's the familiar thump and swish of the kitchen door. It's swinging open when he looks up and he meets Maria's eyes. He knows exactly how he looks. Knows his hair is a mess and his eyes are probably a little bloodshot and that she can probably smell the whiskey coming off of him. He wonders if she's upset with him. He knows he doesn't care. Because he deserves better. He threw himself head first into this without ever glancing at what it might cost.

He allowed himself to let Melky become everything to him and now he's paying the price.

Ryan says nothing. Turns on his heel and manages his way up the stairs. He calls a cab and then makes his way into their bedroom. Empty. He looks out the window into the back yard. Melky's sitting in the hammock with Melianny in his arms. He wants to feel warmth, because that's the man he loves and he loves that baby as well and he feels so _robbed_. What was true? What wasn't? Did any of it mean anything?

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper.

He remembers reading that in college. He always liked it. He just wishes it wasn't so true for him. He busies himself shoveling clothes into an athletic bag, grabs his phone charger, tablet, ear buds. He hears the honk of the taxi and maneuvers down the stairs cautiously. He feels himself sobering up a little but he's still unsteady. Maria puts a hand on his shoulder before he can get out the door and he looks down at her, shakes his head.

“He did this. He lied to me. He lied to everyone. He. Did. This.”

“I wish things were different. For both of your sakes.”

“Yeah...” Ryan answers, the anger bleeding out and only leaving grief and disappointment. “Yeah, me too.”

When he climbs into the cab, he asks the driver to taken him to the airport. He pretends that he doesn't see Melky standing on the porch with the baby. He pretends that he doesn't hear his phone ring. He deletes messages without reading them, without listening to them. He finally turns his phone off and shoves it into his pocket. When he reaches the airport, he gets the next available flight to Pennsylvania.

He doesn't care that his appearance scares the people around him. He welcomes it. It keeps anyone from approaching him, even (or perhaps especially) a fan in a panda hat. He sleeps through the flight.

When he arrives in Pennsylvania, he's exhausted and feels like complete shit but he's sober. The bumping as they land wakes him up and he waits until the plane is completely empty before deboarding. He hangs back until people are out of the way before grabbing his own bag. He gets a rental, takes the first car they offer (an Escalade, they probably spotted him coming a mile away) and drives straight to his... no, it's Nicole's house now. He let the lease lapse on his old apartment. Technically, without Melky, he's homeless now. Doesn't matter.

What matters is that when he knocks on the door and she answers, she takes one look at his face, says, “Oh _sweetie_.” and hugs him tight while he bursts into tears and buries his face in her hair.


End file.
